1 Focus on Teams
Back in the 1980s, corporations jumped
on the teams-produce-results bandwagon, and the group approach
proliferated, bringing us today's reality: professional work most often
necessitates teamwork. Your supervisor may be called your "team leader,"
and your work group is likely called a "team." Our workstations are
arranged so that we can sit with our teams, we do most of our work in
"team meetings," we generate ideas through brainstorming, we strive to
meet team objectives, and most people are not hired until they have
interviewed with all members of the team. For introverts, this
team-heavy approach presents a problem. Not only does being intertwined
with others deplete their reserves of
people energy, it also takes them away from the physical and
intellectual space, where they do their best thinking. If you are an
introvert, you know that need to be alone to reflect and create. There
is so much pressure that introverts talk about escaping to "bathroom
solitude." In fact, in a survey I conducted of one hundred introverts,
four out of five said they "suffered from people exhaustion."[1]
With this pressure to be engaged with people all day, Quiet Influencers
have a hard time finding the quiet time and preparation to hatch their
plans.
2 The Need to Talk about Accomplishments and Ideas
In most organizations, sharing your
accomplishments contributes to your personal "brand." People come to
know you and appreciate the value you offer because you've talked about
yourself and what you've done. The problem is that those folks who don't
"brag on themselves" (i.e., most introverts) often find themselves
unwittingly out of the loop. If they don't have a boss who seeks their
input, showcases their talent, and enhances their visibility, they are
often left behind. Today's corporate cultures do not reward humility.
This characteristic restraint often results in being overlooked.
Introverts have great ideas that go unheard. In group settings, they may
show up with smart solutions, yet can't seem to find an opening in
which to share them. Even in one-on-one conversations—especially with
extroverts—they have trouble interjecting their ideas and being heard.
Because these quiet people haven't talked themselves up, they tend to
fly under the radar, and few extroverted colleagues think to draw them
out to share their ideas. The introvert therefore finds it difficult to
get people's attention and use that attention to influence situations.
3 The Pressure to Act Extroverted
Many Asian cultures deeply value the
ability to not show much emotion. Western workplaces, however, barely
tolerate expressionless faces or quiet people. It seems that to fit in,
you have to be animated and verbal. Not your style? Too bad. To succeed, you have to fake it.
Oliver Goldsmith, the 18th-century Irish
writer, described a character by saying, "On the stage he was natural,
simple, and affecting. 'Twas only when he was off, he was acting."
Introverts often express a similar feeling. They "act the part" of being
happy, sociable, and expressive even when they are feeling quite
different. Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, refers to this pressure as living up to the "Extrovert Ideal."[2]
One Quiet Influencer describes small talk at business events as the
sounds of "competitive egos." When she joins in she feels inauthentic.
Yet challenging the status quo and
inspiring others to move forward takes a willingness to show your real
self to others. Introverts find their influencing efforts impeded when
others sense they are difficult to read and when they themselves are
exhausted by the pressure to be "on."
4 Making Quick Decisions
From answering a question in a meeting
to responding to an overnight email from a customer, today's environment
pressures people to make quick decisions. Many workplaces value instant
responses over well-thought-out ones that take a little longer. The
speed of technology and an increasingly competitive global climate have
revved up the pace of work. The time to ponder a sticky problem from
various angles has evaporated. The "what if" questions and the chance to
go back to gather more data before deciding are gone. The people we are
trying to sell our ideas and products to want results now.
Unfortunately, introverts once again get
the short end of the stick. They are frustrated when they are unable to
slow down the decision-making process. They are not able to take the
needed time to process decisions in their head and do the necessary
preparation to yield the best results. Others then often label them as
"slow" and behind
the curve, and they find it difficult to be treated with the respect
they deserve. While they are pondering decisions and analyzing the
situation, they often fail to pick up the cues that they are about to be
left behind. Their "delay" often costs them the opportunities to
influence the decision.
5 Lowered Privacy Boundaries
Similar to unwanted probing at social
events, social media sites like Facebook pile on the pressure for us to
open up our inner selves to the outer world. The lower privacy
boundaries create an uncomfortable climate for introverts, who like to
get to know someone before baring their soul. They contend with the
notion of TMI (too much information) on a daily basis.
Savvy introverts know they need to build
relationships to influence others. They simply want to get to know
people slowly instead of jumping right to the personal stuff. The
pressure to share and connect every day at an accelerated pace stresses
them out, depletes their energy, and challenges the very relationships
they are seeking to build on their own terms.
6 Being Talked Over
Of all the roadblocks to Quiet
Influence, being talked over is the one that seems to frustrate
introverts the most. In the talkative climate of Western society,
interruptions abound. If an introvert speaks quietly or takes a pause,
others jump in and steal the stage. Even if an introvert is speaking at a
normal volume, eloquently expressing an idea he or she has fully
developed before offering it, extroverts are likely to interrupt. To the
extrovert who tends to think out loud, the interruption is merely a way
of building off of the introvert's good idea. To the introvert, the
interruption is like a blanket that silences his or her voice.
Introverts' ideas cease to be explored by the group, and they tend to
surrender to the opinions of the loudest person in the room. The result:
introverts are demotivated and less inclined to float new ideas.
Moreover, introverts feel pressure to
participate in the interruption game. Many introverts from Asia comment
that they hear two competing voices in their head: their parents saying
"be polite" and their boss telling them they need to "speak up" and
interject their comments in meetings. This instruction creates a deep
conflict for introverts who prefer to marinate their thoughts, taking
advantage of a pause in the conversation not to speak, but to think. Not
only do they face the frustration of being talked over, but they are
encouraged to impose a style on others in a way that fights with their
very nature.
If these roadblocks sound familiar to you
and invoke feelings of frustration, know you are not alone. You are
simply an introvert stuck in an extrovert-centric world. Instead of
trying to avoid these roadblocks on the extrovert highway, take a more
direct, efficient, and enjoyable route. Embrace what you do naturally
and see greater results. Other introverts have done it: they are out
there delivering the next possible cure for cancer, the answer to global
warming, and the fix for education. You can do it too.
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